Banker Wankers

We all know by now that pure Capitalism is mostly an affliction that bank(er)s are unable to shake. It won’t be long until, here in Germany, we actually have to pay banks to take our money (as if we haven’t done so already these past few decades).

At the moment, banks are trying to weasel their way out of high-interest (high being 3% or more … a strange definition of the word) investment plans they unloaded on their customers these past 10 years or so. Little did they suspect (what a surprise) that the market might not support 3%+ interest rates further down the timeline.

I have one of these plans that, ages ago, people huffed and puffed about, laughing tears when I said that a little above 3% was all I needed for a smallish long-term investment. Today, in the age of 0,001% interest rates, my bank is flooding me with letters, (indirectly) whining about the losses these plans are incurring for their entire operation. Whoop-Dee-F*cking-Doo. When I signed up, they put on their smug smiles because they had found another loser they could profit from and, today, they have started crying in their collective warm beer because I’m earning 3 point something percent more than they are willing to pay … for another 13 years.

Sometimes I think I’d just like to waltz into Frankfurt, our embarrassingly small and finicky financial center, and smack a whole bunch of bankers around for just being as dumb and predictable as a dead tree trunk. Pure and simple.


P.S.: Today the courts decided that going back on these investment plans from years ago is a no-go zone. Let’s see how long it takes for the banks to find some creative loop hole to get out of it all anyway.

Posted by Volkher Hofmann

Volkher Hofmann (deus62) has been blogging on and off since the 1990s and deus62.com is all that is left. He loves music, literature, drumming and, most of all, real life. He thinks the open web is much more important than social networks, closed-in ecosystems and other severely commercialized online endeavors.

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